The Tale of the Born-Again-Indigenous-Boogie-World

Elegantly gliding through time and space toward the bus stop this morning, my face painted with a faint smile because I was headed to a strain of heaven named hip hop dance class.  My glorious city, The Land of Oaks, shrouded in soft fog.  All of the pavement felt like a hard, crusty shell, firmly embracing a hidden and tender world.  So much motion, this urban existence.  Incessant going.  And coming.  Oh this world…

 

As my eyes fall awake to the light that lives as all forms, I often well up with such a great love as I did as I breathed in the cold moisture of the said moment, drinking it deep into my lungs.  Wonder Woman, was that a beautiful moment.  But so is this one, now that I mention it… and anyway, go-go-gadget masculine directionality of this blog.  Athena Grace, striding in brisk ecstasy and welling up with unsayable love for this world.  This love whose only longing is to extend itself.  Always.  And then the recurring dream of a dance church slid into my mind, as though it were boldly stealing home.  (Hey, that would make a great book title~ “Boldly Stealing Home”!)

 

Yes, this vision has been paying me regular visits for over a decade.  It really wants to be born!  But god, it’s a daunting vision… trying to nut and bolt out the practicalities and realities of creating a sanctuary where everyone is equal in the diverse embodied immediacy of hallelujah in motion.  This church is a place where humanity comes together and actively practices seeing and being seen with and through the generous and ever-forgiving eyes of Love.  Awe!  Grin.  Just as I typed that, the church bells outside began to siiiiiiiiiiiiing!

 

Anyway, back to the sidewalk and the fog and the striking woman bubbling over with a compelling cocktail of child-like hope, pragmatism and conveniently feigned uncertainty… It was then that I realized that I could at least WRITE this vision into existence. As I often love to assert, Athena Graceland IS MY WORLD!  I am a glorious and benevolent and whimsical ruler of this page.  I can bend and twist and straight-up defy the over-starched rules of logic, linearity and even– gasp– SCIENCE!  I see this world!  It is fresh and tender.  Yet, strong enough to be cracking through the sheath of concrete and “progress” we call home.

 

I thought to jot down this inspiration of a blog topic, but instead I just hustled to the bus stop in front of the ornate, antique Grand Lake Theater and sat upon the green, sheltered bench.  And waited.  And waited.  And waited and my bus was a whopping thirteen minutes late!  But I’ll tell you this much- the more I live, the more I am able to recognize a truly infinite intelligence at work within, through and beyond all things.  So rather than holding my breath and knitting my brow about it all, I silently asked my Self what It wished of me this miraculous, white-washed morning.  And it said WRITE*.  (*As well did it say to first get a few essential groceries at Trader Joe’s, and then stop at the pull-up bar and get my pump on and meet this buff brother with a beautiful and starving heart who would lap up the love flowing through me like a purring kitten… but that’s another story.)

 

So here I am, obeying the Small, Silent Voice.  Here I am, appointing myself High Priestess of the Land of Oaks as seen through the portal that is Athena Graceland.  You wanna hear something WEIRD???  I’ve NEVER had a yoga boyfriend!  I’d like to try it some day… I know that was off topic, but it lept, panther-style into my head… and it just seems a little wrong.  But not that wrong…

 

And now back to our previously programmed special edition of Athena Graceland- Sneak Preview of the New World!  We will become “born-again indigenous people”!  Ha!  That’s brilliant!  I mean, I am not any sort of real expert on indigenous people… but in my mind, live some abstract etchings of tribally-woven communities who exist in a paradigm of harmony with, and reverence for the earth and one another; where every person in the village takes active, devotional responsibility for the balance and thrival of the whole.  As my heart wakes up, this seems so obvious… Like DUH, we are NOT separate, and I love you as I love me, and I love me as I love you because we are the Same.  (with a capital S that rhymes with bless that stands for Oneness!) I mean that’s all Jesus was saying… and somehow we managed to invent this whole neurotic religion out of such fundamental purity.  But that’s in the past.  And from the present shines a nobly gruesome, entirely forgivable, dying world.  But shhhhhh.  Listen…

 

 

 

 

Hear the concrete cracking.  Hear the guttural, rumbling whispers of a glorious new world, reaching up from deep within the belly of the earth, like an infinity-winged angel hatching from a massive egg, spinning like an anonymous whirling dervish through a star-washed sea of vast, deep space.  See us all dancing together.  All sexes, all races, all ages and walks of life.  We gather in presence, in the spirit of play and faith and healing and CELEBRATION… We lay down our rancid and calcified stories of being small, separate and afraid, like arms in a world that has never dreamed the dream of war… simply because they bore us and we’d rather boogie!  And so we boogie!  And suddenly, we are no longer deaf to the heavenly music of our own eternal souls!   So we boogie some more, because the music is so smokin’ and it feels so good to move!

 

And in this Born Again Indigenous Boogie World, we are planting gardens EVERYWHERE!  Gardens and orchards… communities are overflowing with an abundance of fresh, nourishing, organic food.  And no one is hungry.  And no one is left to suffer alone.  Who tends the gardens, you ask?  We all do.  Not because we have to, or we’re sposta… just cuz we care.  We all genuinely care.

 

WE ALL GENUINELY CARE.

 

I truly believe that much.  In fact, I’d bet my sweet life on it.  True, we don’t all ACT like we care.  Because we’ve gone to sleep, or built stone walls around our tender, tremulous and holy hearts…. but deep down, and in that endless, beginningless place we all contain, WE SURE DO CARE.  Trust me.  The more you *want* to see that care winking from within every single brother and sister, the more you WILL see it.  I speak from experience.  We always see what we want to see.

 

What do you want to see?

 

Live,

A

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Perplexing Mess of Relationship

Well, it’s official… Athena Grace LMNOP does not know how to win at the sordid game we call Relationship.  Which is ironic, because I remember like a year and a half ago when my eyes were still all clouded with operatic stardust, telling a man behind me in line at Trader Joes that I was really good at Relationship.  I might have even told him I had a gift at it.  Ha!  That’s embarrassing to admit!  That was back in the days when my Love was still running on the fossil fuel combination of lust and moon honey.  That was back in the day when I my well of devotion-stained patience seemed to slice right through the core of the earth, stretching not just to China, but beyond our very own Milky Way.

I used to feel like such a spiritual, enlightened bad-ass during those mile long fights with Mykael where I would just keep switching from reserve tank to reserve tank to reserve tank, draining each of them without a fret or a care.  And now?  And now… I am the camel with the perpetually broken back.  I am the bomb with the fuse almost as big as a microscopic splinter.

Remember back in the day when this blog practically revolved around all my churnings in relationship with Mykael?  And then suddenly, apocalyptically, his presence here on the page mostly blinked out like a dinosaur.  (I just had a really long pause while my mind’s eye tried to conceive of the image of a dinosaur “blinking out”.  I wondered, “Is that a good metaphor?”  I heard myself say, “It doesn’t really make sense”… to which I replied, “yeah, but I like it…”  I love being my own boss here on the page.  Whatever I say goes.  It’s a pretty sweet deal.  Anyway, I imagined it would be a drooling tyrannosaurus rex  that blinked out… one that was charging toward me, poised to DEVOUR… and then *BLINK*…*poof*… suddenly he is gone without a trace, only some rainbow colored neon psychedelic smoke remains.  And it smells like rotten eggs, like when you light those little colored smoke bombs on Fourth of July.)

Why the sudden out-blinking of my gratuitous mention of Mykael?  Well… because so many of my thoughts and feelings have been delicately fetal, not wholly formed and potentially damaging.  Not to mention so mercurial.  I have not been ready to commit to any of my view points for more than a day at a time at best.  And given that, I have realized that it’s not even a healthy subject matter for me to focus on in the privacy of my own mind.  I have been cultivating the self discipline to focus on myself and my path.  I have been spending much time in quietude as well as investing myself in other relationships.  (He too has been focused on matters of deeper purpose.)  It feels like a slow, gentle pulling apart.  But it’s really confusing in some moments.

Confusing because he has been so beautifully virtuous and generous toward me.  He has been giving me so much space to free fall through all the myriad of emotional spaces I have been breathing my way through… with such a sincere spacious generosity and unconditional love.  My greatest fear has been that because I am not committed to a future with him he would take his well worn, conditional love and lock it away behind the door to his own, private bedroom.  I should be afraid of that.  I have done it many times over the course of our relationship… always secretly hoping that HE would be the one to muster the courage to choose generosity and come back to hardened, sour me.  And mostly he has come to me… He has taught me a lot about being generous.  Staying.  About loving.

But I guess not enough, because I still don’t know that I want to stay and love.  That is what is so damn confusing.  I love him.  I LOVE HIM.  And… our relationship feels like perpetual hard work and fights and disappointments… and I think I might be crazy to keep choosing that.  But then I think I might be crazy to let it go… because are these lessons that I’m gonna have to face somewhere along the line, no matter what???  I don’t know.  Probably.  But there is some value in being alone for a while too… it’s been seven years since I was alone.  I did not even consider myself a woman back when I was twenty three.  (I started to feel like a woman at 27.  And since then, I feel more and more like a woman as the chorus of clocks tick me riper and closer to death.)

So you see… I’m in a tangle.  It’s confusing.  I’d rather think about other things, like cream colored ponies and schnitzel with noodles and… what it means to really feel intimate with God.  What it is to really give my life over in service of Love.  What it is to really surrender to the truth of ultimate aloneness… and the ironic connection to all life implicitly nestled at the core of that.  These inquiries are a far better investment of my energy and time and mind these days.  But then… Mykael is in the bedroom next door and our lives are braided together in so many ways and every once in a while, that causes some friction or an accidental milk spill.

Like yesterday.

I was wanting more from him than usual.  I guess I was just sick of aloneness and wanting to sooth myself with the salve of being loved and loving.  But mostly stepping into a space of intimacy with him just felt like trying to drive a wrecked train.  Unless we just held each other.  Anything else proved disastrous.  Which naturally amped up my perplexity to the next level.  I feel him so deeply.  Resting in his arms feels like a deep, ancient home.  Everything in me ignites and flows and comes alive like vibrant starlight.  It feels so right and natural.  Until we try to talk… and then it’s all sparks and flames and flying grit.  Shrug.

Finally, after quite a few stabs at moving closer, we just had to do our own things again.  He carved (like always) and I went for an evening hike in the immaculate earthy cathedral otherwise known as Redwood Park.  I remembered the wisdom of Little Grandmother, advising us humans to get our energy from NATURE, rather than other people… and even though I left the house sobbing, soon enough I was full on sweet scents of dirt and pine and cooling air.  I emptied myself out with every fresh footstep.  I released myself to the silence of the forest.  And then, near the end of the hike, All Pervading Grace offered me the sweetest gift!  I came to the top of a hill… my eyes snuck left to the plunging valley which gave way to a copious helping of open sky… and was smacked oh so softly by vibrant pink, lavender and blue lullabies, wafting soft to meet my weary eyes.  And a near full moon passively dripping with breathing gold.  This tidy little pearl, glowing.  Purring and glowing with unconditional smirking revelation.  Below the sky, was a montage of variously colored and textured distant mountains, laced with rivery ribbons of soft fog.  Lucid.  Dreamy.  Medicine.  I breathed it.  And breathed it some more.  I let it flood all the secret crevices and empty spaces and hungry places inside me.

I am doing my best.  I really am.  I sorta wish my best was better… or less messy and confusing… but… as my dad would say, “It is what it is.”

Amen.

Oh Duh, We Really ARE God!

“You will never get any closer to God than you are right now,” Reverend Elouise informed us at church last Sunday.  Her saying that was the straw that broke my wild camel.  I hate to admit it, but I guess on some level, I really thought God DID live just north of the sky.  When I prayed, I always wondered if my desperate words would EVER find their way to that esoteric sanctuary tucked away in the idyllic heart of Sacred Somewhere.  Ask me how many desperate letters I’ve written to this wily, absentee God character over the course of my life, each time feeling hopeless that they had any chance of being discovered by His and Her Holiness, the One.

Even when Kiesha Crowther, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK5OOfEmut4) (incase you missed this link the first time around!!!) the Little Grandmother oh-so-casually announced that each of us is God-Goddess, the Great I Am, something still didn’t click.  I mean, intellectually it did.  But not in the depths of my knowing.  Not in my bone’s boots.  Even in meditation, I always waited for something to “happen”.  Like maybe God would throw a lightening bolt spear down on me and burst my bubble of ignorance (which would be nice).  And Rumi’s poem about knocking from the inside… BFD.  Still my holy head remained up my holy butt hole.

Until Reverend Elouise’s simple reminder popped open to my Self.  God is typing these words.  God is reading these words.  There is ONLY God.  Only All Pervading Gracious Light.  That’s it.  There’s nothing more and nothing less.  There is nothing to CHASE.

Yesterday I was meditating in the Rose Garden two blocks from my house (how SWEET is that?!) and instead of trying to have some experience other than the one I was having, I just relaxed knowing, this is God meditating.  Even with a distractible mind, I AM the Great I Am.  There’s nothing to debate or haggle or postpone.  I am That.  And so are YOU.  And YOU.  You don’t have to figure anything out beyond this very moment.  You don’t have to suffer or struggle or prove yourself in order to be that which you ARE.

I think what fostered my shift in consciousness is taking Little Grandmother’s words to heart and practicing getting my energy from nature rather than people.  When I am feeling drained, I walk to the rose garden and BREATHE.  It works!  This is how I was able to let go of caffeine relatively easily after being ADDICTED for fifteen years.  I found and claimed my true Source.  I have been breathing a lot more and deeper since I let go of my former devilish vice.

I guess that’s all I have to say today.  Now that I’m not flying high on caffeine, I feel less compelled to keep poetically rambling.  I am in the midst of a dissolution, like a caterpillar dissolving in her cocoon.  I am not yet a butterfly (or am I?) (I believe I am and I’m not, because time is not real… so even in the midst of massive transformations we are inevitably all stages of the cycle in a single, eternal instant.) But for the purpose of expressing myself in this now moment, I assert that I am not yet a butterfly and I am not feeling the same as I used to about stepping onto the page and recklessly dumping myself out.  That’s why I didn’t write yesterday.  (Instead I got hella domestic and made some bitchin’ pesto sauce with cilantro, parsley, dandelion greens, a tiny bit of kale… walnuts, garlic, olive oil, lemon juice and salt.  It was the tastiest fucking thing!  Try it.  Just blend all that in a food processor or blender.  It’s so nourishing.  Just think of all the vitamins and minerals in it!)

Oh, one last thing… My mom told me that she thinks I should not say “fuck” in my blogs.  When she told me this, I did not get defensive, revert to teenage rebellion and stand firm in my conviction to use the f word.  I got more curious.  I mean from my vantage point, it is a “both and” game.   I don’t use the word fuck because my vocabulary is too crippled to support any other form of expression.  I use it sparingly and with indulgent reverence.  But I am not so attached to it.  I just want to be free on the page to host the entire spectrum of linguistic expression.  And I wish to make a powerful impact with my words.  So I told her that I’d ask all of YOU, my readers for your valuable opinions.  Fuck or no fuck?  That is the question.  Please leave a comment with your thoughts on this matter, oh hallowed Divine One!

May you be awake to your Divine Origin, now and forever more!  So much LOVE to you!!!

Amen.

Ananda Pilgrimage Part II

Two days ago, my mom picked me up from the greyhound bus stop in Colfax and drove us along an exquisite winding road through the forest back to her spiritual stomping ground.  Do spiritual people stomp?  Or do they tap dance?  Samba?  Tango with the All Pervading Divine Dancer?  I suppose it depends.  But the road was magical and put me quickly at ease.  Did I need to be put at ease?  Yes.  It was strange.  For the first leg of my pilgrimage which consisted of a four hour sojourn on the greyhound bus, I was filled with the invigorating cellular hum born of adventure.  I thought and read, dreamed and witnessed life slowly racing by out the window, feeling so relieved to be out of my beaten-to-death-familiar surroundings.

But as soon as the bus released me in the small, hot mountain town of Colfax, on the disconcertingly expansive doorstep of the Great Unknown… Gulp.  I was washed by a surprising wave of fear.  In the car with my mom, I sat with a very young feeling of being perfectly out of control.  In my daily life at home I have my rhythms and routines chiseled brutishly on the stone tablets of my day to day existence.  I traverse the same streets, eat the same foods, (Time out, I just have to tell you that there is a beautiful white spotted fawn outside the window.  It is very young, tender and skittish.  Oooh, there’s mama, too.  The deer are very prolific around here, so I have been blessed with the opportunity to observe them closely.  I notice that they are ALWAYS on guard, never seeming to have the luxury of letting go and stone cold chillin’.  So many boogie monsters out to get them…Ahhh, a day in the life of prey. But they are so innocent and silent. Time in.)

Same foods.  Same songs.  Same Bay Area static.  Is that good or bad?  Is that right or wrong?  Is that in or out??? (Attention ladies and gentlemen, that was me poking fun at our default judicial orientation to compartmentalizing our experience of Life!  And now back to our previously programmed linguistic parade.)  This rhythmic continuity has its ins and outs, as does everything, if you really want to get to bone picking, which I don’t.

I just want to stand back and marvel at that surprise shower of contracted emotion that rained down on me from the invisible sneakery of left field.  I felt momentarily crippled by the fear, because I could not control it.  So as we wound along the enchanted woody road to Ananda, sunlight and shadows slow dancing about the sea of silently chanting trees, I desperately invoked the presence of my own inner mother to soothe this frightened child balled up in my chest and belly.  But the moment of release of course was all Grace’s doing, as it usually is.  (I believe there’s even an old, popular song written about this…Wink!)

We approached a bridge and my mom cheerfully asked, “Would you like to get out and have a look at the river?”  I contemplated her offer for a moment and then said, “Nah… I’ll see it later.”  We were intent on making it back in time for me to attend afternoon sadhana and plus, I just felt lazy about stopping and exerting the profound effort of getting out of the car so that I could stand on the bridge and take a few generous visual gulps of the illustrious Yuba River.  But my mom didn’t seem to hear me, because without even a moment of hesitation, she pulled off the dainty, twisting highway and into a crowded parking lot nestled beside the bridge.

(Time out~ I feel compelled to report a crucial location change.  I started this blog entry in the late morning at the large dining table in my mom’s communal house, “Chandi House”.  Now it is evening and I am outdoors on “the Ridge”, which faces west and overlooks a lush, green valley and distant, laissez-faire-ily rolling hills.  I can tell the sun in contemplating setting a few thousand heartbeats from now.  Outdoor sunset bloging:  It’s a whole different beast.  I’m leaning up against this massive evergreen trunk.  It must be the arboreal love child of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mama Cass.  Thank god for the grace of its generous canope, because even at eight pm its so hot here.  This now moment is quite a contrast from my worn-out, nauseatingly usual jumpin’ urban café for sure.  The scent of the air is sweet, earthy.  Oh and while I’m on the subject, this adorable couple was sitting on a bench swing near me.  When they got up to leave a few moments ago, the man, a very luminous (I mean very luminous) older man wished me a good night as he folded his hands before his heart, looked in my eyes and gently bowed.  The gesture burst with blessed essence.  It’s one of those moments that could either slip almost unnoticed into the cracks in time and space, or rattle my soul’s bones with quiet miraculousness.  I opted for the later.  Time in.)

So thankfully, I have finally graduated from the tired-assed, worn out school of constantly finding fault in my mom… so whereas once upon a not too distant time ago I would have been enraged that my mom stopped even though I explicitly told her not to, this time I threw my mind into fourth gear and wearily hopped out of the car to peek over the bridge at this alleged river.  What do I type next… except HOLY LUCID-A-LICIOUS GUACAMOLE!  The Yuba River… It took my breath away and then gave it back to me again a thousand fold.  Envision excruciatingly lush, verdant, sloping hillsides sliced down the center by a rushing current of vibrant, aqua elixir.  Imagine this liberated, crystalline current weaving its way between immense granite boulders smoothed by water and time and certainly by the meticulous Love of the All Pervading Mother.

Again, words are an unjust means to convey the experience of Holy Awe that pounded me like the swift current this great river which clearly contained the Ocean!  The best I can do to get you on the same revelatory page as me is to confess that I threw a rushed gesture in my mom’s direction before throwing myself down the steep incline, ripping off my pants and diving right into crisp, translucent blue heaven.  Yes, in plain English, I leapt into the river in my tank top and panties.  It was as if I was diving into a wellspring of my own vitality.  My whole body tingled with ecstasy and gratitude.

Ever since I heard Little Grandmother speak about how our true energy source is nature, I have yearned for nothing more than to immerse my whole self in Mother Nature’s wondrous, unconditional majesty, drinking it in in unabashed, glutinous swallows.  Soaked and exploding with life, I hopped back in the car, high as a soaring eagle.  How did my mom know to give me this gift?  She just knew.  I love that.  I love that so much.  I love her so much.  I love the Yuba River so much.  And now the sun hovers just above the horizon, spraying dangerously potent, electric orange light all over everything.  The air temperature has rapidly dropped to what would clearly read on any thermometer, “perfect”, “sensual” and “passively euphoric”.

God, thank you SO much… for this moment, for this day, for this life, for this long, arduous and entirely miraculous unfolding.

Amen.

The Most Crucial Blog I Have Ever Written!

God must love me.  Because She hired a professional to serenade me all night long as I drifted in and out of sleep.  A mosquito humming love songs after dark in my ear!  Thank you God!!!

But don’t be fooled.  This will NOT be a “light” entry to be shrugged off as linguistic frivolity.  This might be the most crucial blog I have EVER written and will EVER write.  Eeek, that scares me.  Makes me want to just eat [peanut] M&Ms and read about all my distant friends, drifting like pale, winking lights at dawn on the misty ocean.  But I won’t do that.  I will push on.

It’s just that last night my life changed forever.  I mean, really.  Sure, I could assert that statement about ANY moment of my existence and let it be true enough… But last night Destiny pushed me over the edge of the falls with her classy, over the elbow satin gloved hands, and now I am being pounded AWAKE by some seriously holy waters!  Fuck yeah!  What could be BETTER!?!  Nothing.

Thanks to my good friend RosyMoon’s zealous insistence, and then Mykael’s impassioned back-up action, I watched this profound youtube video series, which rearranged the furniture inside me in a way that drowned me to Life in my own inner knowing!  That is worth at least “affinity” times it’s weight in diamonds and pearls.  And I am NOT being figurative here.  I am so dangerously literal right now.

Okay, Miss LMNOP, what WAS this bone rattling, soul shattering video series?  It was a Native American “wisdom keeper” speaking about what is being born through us at this time on the planet.  It all resonated to my core.  I haven’t a single shred of doubt that she speaks Truth.  Shrug.  I just don’t.  Sure, I’m not your average God fearing, news reading, Safeway shopping, International House of Pancake dining, Politician trusting, evidence hungry citizen of the United States of Bloody America.  But stick around.  I dare ya.  You’ll see soon enough, if you are not seeing already.

The foundation concept of which “Little Grandmother” spoke was the collective shift we are making from living in our minds back into our hearts!  Instead of a moment of silence for this auspicious, long awaited Return, let’s have a moment of Macarena!

(I WISH I remembered the Macarena!  I’d be doing it all the time!  Just kidding.  But it was an endearing little dance.  Admit it.  Because people looked like total dorks when we did the Macarena… but enough people did it, that we felt secure being total dorks.  And that’s so healthy.  I say, unleash your inner dork.  DO IT NOW.  Don’t wait for it to be “okay”.  That’s why I love Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job.  Check them out on my Blogroll for some immediate inspiration in the school of freedom to BE.)

So we have all been born into a world where we were taught to live from our minds… and it has made quite a mess of disconnection, confusion, scarcity and needless suffering.  Living from the heart, in tune with Source is not a new innovation.  The indigenous cultures have done it for Goddess knows how long… but in this most recent incarnation of consciousness, we have forgotten and NOW we are remembering and that KICKS ASS.  She said we are some seriously STRONG “I AMs” (aka: humans, aka: gods manifest), to be the ONES here at this time to make the shift back to LOVE. It takes some RIPPED spiritual muscles.  Yes, that means YOU!  And You and You and everyone you pass on the street and everyone living huddled in huts on dirt floors in third world countries… and mansions on the pretentious rolling hills of Oblivion.  Every one of us is the crème de la crème of consciousness.  We are the chosen Rockstars who are birthing the world’s return to LOVE.  I love this!  Suddenly I feel so connected to EVERYONE on the planet in an intimate way… like we were all hand picked for the All Star sports team!  We are *special*.

So the moral of this story, is DON’T worry.  Fear not.  Everything is falling apart, because it MUST come undone in order to make space for a world that will sparkle so hard it will knock the light back into you!  (Figure of speech, silly, the light never left you.)  Raise your hand if you’ve ever given birth, or been present at the time of birth.  Well I haven’t, but I know it’s a pretty messy, intense process.  AND I know that a woman must let go in order to allow the tender little bun to tumble out.  So as this new consciousness is born through all of us, we must LET GO.  The more we try to hold on to the perilous olde familiar, the more painful and frightening the birth experience will be.  Trust me, I know how frightening it can be to release into the unknown.  It can be way worse than a visit to the dentist… but only if we are not trusting in the All Pervading Power of Love.

So I am here to remind you (and myself) that there is nothing worth holding onto right now.  At least not with white knuckles.  Our collective landing will be soft and entirely of Grace.  It will be like free falling into clouds made of down and chinchilla fur and unicorn’s breath!  It will smell like fresh baking croissants, chocolatey birthday cake and night blooming jasmine.  It will sound like galaxies of drunken stars having over the top dance parties and orgiastic OM chanting.

See?  I told you it was good news!!!! I will NEVER be the same again.  How can fear seem real in relation to what is just up ahead for Team Humanity?  Another thing she said that was Ephiphanic for me was that we humans have been relying on one another as primary energy sources, and this is crippling and exhausting.  She said our true energy source is Nature.  Plants.  Sky.  Earth.  If we need energy, we can simply go sit under a tree and take some deep breaths for a while.  I am someone who has felt exhausted for a lot of my life, so this reminder is HUGE for me.  I haven’t been able to imagine my life without caffeine.  But I have spent my whole life in urban environments… Who knew it would be so simple to recharge?  (As I wrote that, an emphatic gust of cool breeze blew into my bedroom, and I drank it in deep.  Life always Speaks.)

But back to relying on one another for energy.  What that means in “lay terms” is that having forgotten ourselves as GOD~GODDESS, “the Great I AM”, we are constantly seeking validation from those around us.  We rely on the [sorely limited] projections of others for our sense of self.  If people see us as “good”, then we feel good [for a while].  If people see us as “bad”, we feel bad.  I have been so “guilty” of that.  What a sublime waste of energy… to be constantly seeking out the validation of others… instead of claiming our true essence as Divine Creators, connected to Source and proactively, Lovingly dreaming forth the world that we envision in our Hearts.

I have had a habit of constant doubt around my writing.  Someone tells me they read my work and were opened, moved and that I have a gift… and for a few crack-ish instants, I feel GOOD and WORTHY… but then I have fallen back into my default mode of self doubt… waiting until the next time someone “out there” throws me a modestly meat strewn bone of validation.  And then I know for another few nanoseconds that I am great.  But screw that game.  I AM God-Goddess. (As are You and You and You and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.)  I am ready to live unapologetically connected to Source.  I am ready to accept the sweet responsibility of staying Connected, humbly and willingly speaking, being, serving as an ambassador of the ONE!!!  Not such a bad gig, eh?  Who’s on board?  Who’s ready to renounce the perpetually draining practice of sucking and spitting our energy from one another and instead drinking deep of the Earth?  Come on!  All ABOARD!!!  LET’S DO THIS THING, PEOPLE!

Amen.

Oh, here’s the link to the profound video series: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK5OOfEmut4