Playing With Life

Silence.  I just turned off Amma bhajans, opting to instead dissolve in the subtle sounds of the present moment, au naturelle.  Seven forty pm and it’s dark as yo mama outside.  The wind is barbaric.  Sigh.  Oh… I guess first things first, (as we say in my country) you are probably wondering WHERE I am sleeping these days… For this week, I am sleeping in the Temple behind the house I was subletting a room in.  Sometimes guests are welcomed in here for a week at a time.  I’ll tell ya WHAT?!  I am happy as a clam’s perverted oyster ex-husband in here!  Happier, maybe.

 

Did you know that as the synchronicity symphony would play it, my [beloved] leprechaun friend, Jack built this house AND the ensuing Temple?  Yes.  And he’s not even like a prevalent builder on the island or anything.  He’s a plain old man (as “plain old” as a leprechaun can BE for goddess sake), who just happened to build one single house with his bare hands, and I happened to land here AND become instantaneously thick as whale skin with Jack.  Life is the weirdest… I don’t care what you say.  It is tripadelicus maximus.  Yeah, Jack the leprechaun has followed a Buddhistically persuaded path.  His main teacher (who is heavily affiliated with Pema Osil Ling, a retreat center in the santa cruz mountains in California, where I did a life altering women’s weekend three years ago…) came and helped him invoke the sacred space where this Temple was to be built.  They chanted and prayed and buried crystals in the ground.  This was many years ago.  And now I am here, nestled in the tender alcove, lovingly folded into the darkness… blogging.  And I couldn’t be happier.  I swear, this place is enchanted.

 

Well, I suppose I could be a LITTLE happier.  I just went in the kitchen to make an avocado and homemade kraut nori roll… and Brad was in an intense, emotionally tattered state.  I on the other hand was whistling and snorting, high on yoga, health food and a general sense of holy rapture.   But I guess I was a little insensitive… JUST A LITTLE… And I’m afraid my energy was off-putting to B-ditty.  I’m so sensitive.  So allofa sudden, I felt myself clam up.  Shhhllluuup.  (Deep breath.)  It’s weird how it can feel almost criminal to be joyful in the presence of one who is suffering.  It seems like there is so much more permissive agreement in the modern world amongst those who are suffering… SEEMS.  Seeming can be dangerous… I am open to existing in a reality other than that.  A reality, say, where the joy, peace and gratitude of those around me is contagious and exponential!  But it sure didn’t feel that way in the kitchen.  I felt guilty for feeling and embodying the simplicity of God blowing through my being like a sweet, evening breeze, heavy with the scent of ripe peaches, exotic oolong tea and lusting skin.  Forgive, Athena.  Yup.  I forgive myself for my joy, my guilt, my self judgment… I forgive Brad for “seeming” to be negatively impacted by my presence.  I know, I know, I’m so hyper sensitive… Love me or leave me.  (I’d prefer if you loved me… just for the record.)

 

Kai, the dude whose room I was subletting, just came into the temple to do some yoga.  We talked for a coupla minutes and I lost my train of thought.  He asked me how blogging was going and I said it was bitchin because blogging is my favorite thing in the whole wide world, because I feel so free.  I am the Creator.  I get to say anything I want.  I get to exist exactly as I am, whole, complete, tangled, forgetful, unbridled, nutty, perverse…  And I live in the exhilarating perpetual challenge of offering it with as much beauty and eloquence as humanly possible.  When I blog, I feel deeply purposeful and fulfilled.

 

Kai.  He’s twenty five.  I’m kind of an ageist… I guess just because personally, I hated my twenties.  It was grueling to be this ridiculously wise, old soul in such an arduously young body.  A body carrying a crap load of crunchy, unprocessed baggage, a horrible case of amnesia and diddly squat when it came to life experience.  But now… I’m almost somebody!!!!  (Cracking myself up again…)  I can smell Kai’s sweet, musky deodorant rising in an invisible current of body heat from here as he rolls around on the dark temple floor on his stiff foam roller.  My turn-on just spiked by forty seven percent.  The first time I saw him yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised by how attractive he was.  I wasn’t expecting it.  I wasn’t expecting such a thick, broad chest… or such wide, sparkly blue eyes rimmed with amazing lashes.

 

“Wow, you’re… so attractive…” Those were the very first words that tumbled out of Athena Grace’s mouth upon introduction.  It was moment of child-like purity… followed by some major self consciousness.  I got super self critical… First impressions, ya know?  I mean… he could have all too easily misconstrued my (Another waft of deodorant! Yum!) loose liberation, since he had zero frame of reference for it.  He didn’t really seem to know what to make of me.  Woops.  That’ll teach me to be so flabby around the verbiage.

 

Anyway, the next thing I knew, I was deep in the throes of “operation forgive myself and move on”.  But thankfully I’m getting better at that game.

 

Enough about Kai.  I need to tell you that I have a boyfriend for the next six minutes.  Till midnight HIS time.  Guess who?!  Mykael!  WHAT???  Athena…

 

Yeah.  He reached out to me today and expressed that he was finally grieving the loss of my skin, my daily presence in his life.  You see, he’s been consumed with the task of passing his nursing exams… AND HE PASSED!!!!!  So now his spirit is free to unfurl and actually FEEL something.  And me?  I am a fountain of love, strength and clarity, joyous to receive his authentic, heart-drenched expression.  I’ve been LOVING our communications lately.  So open, honest and rich.  This morning, after a long, deep conversation, I felt him swimming in my oceanic heart and it was very pleasant, so I texted him and invited him to be my boyfriend for the day.  He said yes!  I got to practice being in my first *very* polyamorous relationship.  A relationship where I am whole and independent…

 

Am I making ANY sense?  Yes, it was a playful game.  But with some deep notes of truth to it.  (Awe, shucks… his clock struck midnight… he’s not my boyfriend anymore… Grin.  I love playing with life…) It’s just felt pleasant and refreshing to enter into that sacred space of the love we share… a deeply familiar space… in the face of everything else in the world being so radically new, different, profound.  So… I asked him if he’d be my long distance, polyamorous Man with a capital M, once a week!  Thursdays… He said YES!  So we’ll just give it a whirling dervish of a test drive for a week or two.  Relationships don’t have to fit in all the binding boxes we mostly try to jam them in, you know…

 

Ahhhh, LIFE!  Well, my Beloveds… I hope you have found this blog to be illuminating, thought provoking, titillating, entertaining, or otherwise savory.  And I pray that some of the beautiful love in my heart has evoked the beautiful love in Your heart.  Tell me it has…

 

With an ecstatic Amen,

Athena Grace LMNOP

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Wild As The Waves

This is gonna be the most amazing blog God’s ever written through me!  Not because I have anything burning to tell you… In fact, I have NO idea what’s gonna crash out of me and break rapturously violent on the shore of your awareness.  Well, I have a few ideas… but you know how that goes.  Most times I step onto the page thinking I know and then WHAM!  Something totally different happens.  But what I DO know is that I feel so full of goodness.  And this goodness ACHES to be offered up, extended, shared… with whomever is hungry, thirsty and otherwise wanting.  So if you find yourself with an appetite for frivolous beauty and decadent lovin’, SOUP’S ONNNN!  BYOB (bring your own bowl) and I’ll ladle you a generous helping of thick, steaming, chunky LOVE soup! (…or is it pureed???)

 

Holy Popcorn!  I see a man with the most enormous cup of mocha.  It is topped with a mountainous pile of whipped cream drizzled in melty chocolate sauce and he’s unabashedly wrastling it with his entire face, lips and tongue.  Madness.  What a vivacious mess!  I want to rip my skimpy to begin with clothes off and leap right into it like a tropical snow bank!

 

Another thing you should know about the moment is that I smell like Spencer.  Remember him?  The guy who fairy-knapped me the other morning and dragged me (neither kicking nor screaming) to all those sacred watery places on the north-assed shore…(actually, he’s not a guy, he’s an angel.  It’s obvious just by bathing in the ridiculously holy light that gurshes from his warm blue eyes.  (Yeah, they’re not cold blue, like some of the other blue eyes that I’ve been impressed and seduced by recently.  Nah… these eyes are warm blue.)  (Which reminds me~  I met this goddess named Lauren the other day… and at first glance, you might think that she has “brown” eyes…  but upon further surrendered study, you might realize that they are actually red.  I know, I know… that sounds weird and demonic… but it’s totally not.  The red is unobtrusive, hidden… yet overtly bright.  Think smoldering coals that you just blew a prayer infused breath upon.  And suddenly the coals become a flaming choir of angels singing operatic strains of Ave Maria.  They are eyes that I’m quite surprised I found my way back out of.  I am sure that many have become lost for all eternity in their generous, multidimensionally glowin labyrinth.) (Speaking of labyrinths… Kauai sure NEEDS one of those.  Maybe I’ll fashion one right on the beach.  I yearn to become dissolved in those sacred folds today.)

 

Okay, Athena, you have used up your daily ration of parenthesis.  Come back.  (Just for that, the rebel in me wants to use parenthesis at least six more times!)  Ahem.  So Spencer.  He always smells so delicious.  Like a little curry dumpling.  A warm, human curry dumpling.  I absolutely LOVE it!  And then I hug him and for the whole REST of the day, I smell like him… plus sweet succulent me, of course.  This is pertinent, because as I sit here typing, this appetizing aroma wafts off of me.  I am like a gourmet curry shack on the north side of the pearly gates!  Come n get it!!!

 

What else do I want to tell you?  The first BIG winter swell came in yesterday!  That means big-assed waves for those of you who are not fluent in ocean speak.  Big waves.  The kind of waves that make me certain that life is NOT mundane in the least.  That even this 3D reality we have collectively invested our faith in… is sheer MAGIC.  These waves ARE poetry.  They ARE spirit.  They ARE prayers and the simultaneous answers.  The way they at once move in slow, lucid motion… and too at the speed of sound.  And not just any sound… The sound of one hand having a screaming orgasmic round of gayatri mantra.

 

Gayatri mantra.  It’s the mantra invoking the Light.  It’s meant to be sung just before dawn.  Both the literal and the figurative version of dawn.  I have been feeling an explicit and weighty compulsion to listen to it for some time now… but hadn’t gotten around to it.  And then voila!  I hitchhiked with the Man Muse of Kauai, Richard Diamond the other morning and low and behold, these very sacred syllables were infusing the atmosphere of his auspicious, well-loved little minivan.  I was feeling particularly ragged around the edges that morning… and as soon as I opened the door to is magic mobile, all this soothing, peaceful energy cascaded out on me.  Baby Jesus, did I NEED it!  And by the time we reached Hanalei, I was fully revived.  He said that’s all he listens to.  Talk about an enchanted being.  If life is a myth, and it totally IS, he is one of the Maha Devas, the starring roles for sure.  He told me that people just walk up to him on the street and hand him money… because he is the Muse.  He is the brainchild of this website called “The Heartbeat of Kauai” (hearbeatofkauai.com), which is like a massive network, an intricate, explicit weaving.  The tagline is “tying the hearts of Kauaiians together”.  So you see, he’s a well directed Muse.  A Muse poured out in service of the Greater Good, who dances (naked, of course) to the music of the L-word.  (Love, dummy!)  Richard Diamond.  Every story he tells is marvelously captivating, because it is soaked to dripping with enchantment and magic.

 

(Speaking of Diamonds, I saw them all over the raucous sea foam as I jogged the bay this morning.  It was not your average “sea bling” as Jack the Wizard aproposly coined the glistening marriage of surf and sun… (and btw, Jack is NOT a wizard, after all.  He’s an F-ing LEPRECHAUN!  Duh… I can’t believe I was so naïve to this fact for so long.  I guess they call that “denial”.  He is indeed a leprechaun.  Seriously.  I’ll show you a picture soon.)  But these diamonds looked like God had gratuitously sprinkled a hefty splash of silver glitter all over the smooth, whipped creamish slathering of sea foam that smeared across the wet span of sand.  I’m sure I could have struck my fortune, if I’d been motivated… just by trouncing into the foam and grabbing fistfuls of tiny diamonds.)

 

I would have loved to recount some of the tingle-inducing Richard Diamond chronicles… but I’ve already exhausted my well of allotted words for today.  Rain check.  (And the rainy season is indeed upon us… so this could be as soon as soon as a hundred and eight seconds from now…)  Dang!  And come to think of it, I didn’t even share with you the beautiful erotic snuggle session that WP and I shared last night.  I’ll quickly stuff it into Thumblina’s nutshell bed~ He swooped by on his way home from work and we reconnected.  It was very healing.  And our bodies naturally came together.  Without agenda.  Natural… two warm, fleshy magnets.  And like always, I was already bursting at the seems with blissful energy, so being close with him felt like being shot from a canon straight into heaven’s sassy, orgasmic sea.  I already felt so full and luscious on the inside… but then, suddenly, the outside felt equally as good… which just made the inside feel even more bursting with ecstasy.  Ahhh, the simple pleasures of life!

 

Right now, I feel my overall inner climate shifting from emptiness to fullness.  Scarcity to the intrinsic abundance of Godness. (NESS!!!!)  I was conditioned to believe that feeling turned on meant I needed release… but NOPE… come to find out, it simply means I am fully ALIVE and overflowing with the inescapable divinity that composes All That Is.  It was great learning to just BE with WP.  To bathe together in the benevolent bliss that life is simply made of.  No need to DO anything… but feel, luxuriate, bathe.  And from this remembrance of innate divine fullness, I am becoming well equipped to feed humanity.  The learning is still taking hold.  Working with Amrita Grace is a big piece of it.  I breathe.  I am patient.  And… you heard it HERE first, Friends~ unfasten your seatbelts and PREPARE FOR MIRACLES!!!

 

Amen.