Oh Duh, We Really ARE God!

“You will never get any closer to God than you are right now,” Reverend Elouise informed us at church last Sunday.  Her saying that was the straw that broke my wild camel.  I hate to admit it, but I guess on some level, I really thought God DID live just north of the sky.  When I prayed, I always wondered if my desperate words would EVER find their way to that esoteric sanctuary tucked away in the idyllic heart of Sacred Somewhere.  Ask me how many desperate letters I’ve written to this wily, absentee God character over the course of my life, each time feeling hopeless that they had any chance of being discovered by His and Her Holiness, the One.

Even when Kiesha Crowther, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK5OOfEmut4) (incase you missed this link the first time around!!!) the Little Grandmother oh-so-casually announced that each of us is God-Goddess, the Great I Am, something still didn’t click.  I mean, intellectually it did.  But not in the depths of my knowing.  Not in my bone’s boots.  Even in meditation, I always waited for something to “happen”.  Like maybe God would throw a lightening bolt spear down on me and burst my bubble of ignorance (which would be nice).  And Rumi’s poem about knocking from the inside… BFD.  Still my holy head remained up my holy butt hole.

Until Reverend Elouise’s simple reminder popped open to my Self.  God is typing these words.  God is reading these words.  There is ONLY God.  Only All Pervading Gracious Light.  That’s it.  There’s nothing more and nothing less.  There is nothing to CHASE.

Yesterday I was meditating in the Rose Garden two blocks from my house (how SWEET is that?!) and instead of trying to have some experience other than the one I was having, I just relaxed knowing, this is God meditating.  Even with a distractible mind, I AM the Great I Am.  There’s nothing to debate or haggle or postpone.  I am That.  And so are YOU.  And YOU.  You don’t have to figure anything out beyond this very moment.  You don’t have to suffer or struggle or prove yourself in order to be that which you ARE.

I think what fostered my shift in consciousness is taking Little Grandmother’s words to heart and practicing getting my energy from nature rather than people.  When I am feeling drained, I walk to the rose garden and BREATHE.  It works!  This is how I was able to let go of caffeine relatively easily after being ADDICTED for fifteen years.  I found and claimed my true Source.  I have been breathing a lot more and deeper since I let go of my former devilish vice.

I guess that’s all I have to say today.  Now that I’m not flying high on caffeine, I feel less compelled to keep poetically rambling.  I am in the midst of a dissolution, like a caterpillar dissolving in her cocoon.  I am not yet a butterfly (or am I?) (I believe I am and I’m not, because time is not real… so even in the midst of massive transformations we are inevitably all stages of the cycle in a single, eternal instant.) But for the purpose of expressing myself in this now moment, I assert that I am not yet a butterfly and I am not feeling the same as I used to about stepping onto the page and recklessly dumping myself out.  That’s why I didn’t write yesterday.  (Instead I got hella domestic and made some bitchin’ pesto sauce with cilantro, parsley, dandelion greens, a tiny bit of kale… walnuts, garlic, olive oil, lemon juice and salt.  It was the tastiest fucking thing!  Try it.  Just blend all that in a food processor or blender.  It’s so nourishing.  Just think of all the vitamins and minerals in it!)

Oh, one last thing… My mom told me that she thinks I should not say “fuck” in my blogs.  When she told me this, I did not get defensive, revert to teenage rebellion and stand firm in my conviction to use the f word.  I got more curious.  I mean from my vantage point, it is a “both and” game.   I don’t use the word fuck because my vocabulary is too crippled to support any other form of expression.  I use it sparingly and with indulgent reverence.  But I am not so attached to it.  I just want to be free on the page to host the entire spectrum of linguistic expression.  And I wish to make a powerful impact with my words.  So I told her that I’d ask all of YOU, my readers for your valuable opinions.  Fuck or no fuck?  That is the question.  Please leave a comment with your thoughts on this matter, oh hallowed Divine One!

May you be awake to your Divine Origin, now and forever more!  So much LOVE to you!!!


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. dan
    Jul 15, 2010 @ 14:22:19

    First I want to give you my thoughts on being in the moment. YES!!!! You have found God. It is YOU and it is the MOMENT. I love that you have been finding these concepts and your writing is even more superb. Now, let us take up the ” fuck” wordage. If it has passion and provides meaningful and power to your written concepts, then by all means use what ever it takes. It is just another word, even though some people tend to hear their own meaning and may find a particular word to be either offensive or less than necessary. I would always error on the side of expression in any form is worth the risk.
    One more think Athena, I want you to know that my love for you is even more beautiful and full of sparkle, now that I am read your words from your heart each day.


  2. Rosy Moon
    Jul 15, 2010 @ 18:52:28

    Aaaaaaahhhh, a-ho sister!!!!!! Celebrations and salutations, thank God Goddess!!!!!!! I am so darn happy that you are tasting truth . Who knew they actually talk about God in church?
    Reverend Elouise bestowed upon you what you have searched and thirsted for with such passion- that is a miracle- that it happened in church- my faith is on its way to being restored!

    I like it when you occasionally add the spice of fuck to your work. It is very contemporary. You have a voice and to edit that particular epithet from your vocab may add some hint of….whatchamacallit? Respectability, but it may take away a teeny pinch of the unabashed expression, which is so very you….
    Who knows, now that you have given up coffee, it may just naturally drop from your use!

    I missed you yesterday, I was even worried for a second- no blog…what’s wrong?


  3. spirit2go
    Jul 15, 2010 @ 21:33:16

    Namaste, Divine Goddess:

    By George, I think you’ve got it! Counting my post yesterday – there are 3 that I just read pertaining to exactly this subject…….and we grow in numbers!

    So my comment on fuck. I think for folks in their 20s’ and 30s’, it has never been as big a deal as for parents and older types. While I don’t hesitate to use it if I so choose – I usually don’t – no reason. It was always the worst of the worst when I was growing up although I heard it all the time. Just different eras, I think. But mostly I think it is a word, at best overused.


  4. souldipper
    Jul 15, 2010 @ 22:23:06

    My Mom – ever the wise ol’ beauty – challenged us. Because…We were not allowed to use any “b” words in our house. The ‘f’ word was only used by men in lumber camps as far as I knew. Only women of ‘ill repute’ used ‘fuck’ back in those not-too-long-ago times.

    Her challenge? She claimed that if we had an ounce of brain power, we would put together words and phrases that rattled the earth beneath any listener’s/reader’s feet without the use of one swear word.

    I genuinely believe this approach has far more power. Quiet, profound, powerful words.

    She flatly believed that swear words are for lazy people. And, for her, that was more of a sin than blasphemy.


  5. Meg
    Jul 15, 2010 @ 22:49:34

    I believe you should use whatever word comes to your mind and feels right in your heart because it’s You expressing You. And the little girl in me giggles each time I read the F words you so humoursly place. It somehows makes your profound more….grounded and easily digestable for my human mind/palate. Love you and your thoughts, feelings and words and for SHARING! x, Meg (PS: but I can hear most Moms agreeing with your Mom; and knowing her I think she probably said it out of pride, love and Motherly guidance like a Mama duck guiding her ducklings safely through early life).


  6. Pheeeee
    Jul 18, 2010 @ 02:50:13

    I feel that any artist has the right to write whateverthefuck she wishes in her pursuit of honesty, truth & beauty!


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