Milkmaids, Blessings and a Moon Who Wouldn’t Quit!

When I woke up this morning, the dark was unusually thick.  I was sure that it couldn’t be more than one or two o’clock, so lay in bed, practically squeezing my eyes shut and lamenting that I was so wide awake.  After a few tortured, timeless moments, I checked the time on my phone and was surprised to see that it was after five!  Word on the street is that the darkest hour comes before the dawn.  I have found this to be absolutely true in the metaphorical sense.   You know, since I am on the precipice of rediscovering the [dawning] light inside me, and so far, my life has mostly felt like one, long, arduous, thirty year dark night of the soul… But last night it was absolutely true in the most basic, literal sense.  Add to that vision of an ambiance so black, it feels velveteen, like petals on a rose of death, a wholly unabashed waning half moon spilling a steady stream of beams so coy, I could hear them casting a continuous hum of carefree mantras into the deep, vivid, black mystery.  The cold light tickled me like being teased with a melting ice cube.  Soon enough the birds began to spread the word that all this wicked beauty was unfolding from God’s very mind.  Their voices were solemn and ominous like chanting Benedictine monks trying to speak in angel tongues.  Even though I hadn’t quite had a full six hours of sleep, I could only feel blessed as I nestled deeper into the warm safety of my covers.  It’s not every day that the pre-dawn screams such beautiful poetry at me.

I’m sure it was some kind of blessing spoken in a forgotten language.  Our native tongue, the language of the soul.  Strange that we feign ignorance for a language that courses through the veins of our most essential selves, and yet it can so easily slide by, unnoticed.  Well, I am starting to remember.  And I am here to remind you that you speak another language… you are speaking it all the time, but I think it’s easier to notice in the midst of a peaceful heart and a mind set on loving.

I love the things I say sometimes.  I feel so lucky that I get to sit here and type them!  Last night I stayed up past my bed time because two of my favorite friends in the world were in Mykael’s bedroom, which proved to be a very stimulating and blessed occurrence, which made it hard to renounce in the name of good night sleep.  As I was preparing, finally, to take my leave, Maha told me that he sees me as a radiant expression of the Goddess.  Holy spilt mind of the ego!  Something in me felt so relaxed and receptive as he poured this loving confession upon me.  And another part of me felt like it was enduring a rare form of torture.  That’s the ego for ya.

And as I’ve been learning in A Course in Miracles, GIVING AND RECEIVING ARE ONE.  I am really starting to recognize this on an experiential level.  Come on, it’s not that esoteric, after all.  Picture it~ there’s Maha, eyes steady, deep and pouring with light.  He fixes this auspicious gaze on me and drizzles rich, generous, heart-stained words on me like artisan hot fudge.  As I receive the deep sweetness that lies just below the linguistic communion, our hearts brush blushing cheeks and sigh in sweet relief, because we are choosing to meet in a moment alive as the spontaneous celebration of love!  I want to say that it’s analogous to a cow that aches to be milked.  If she is neglected, she will suffer, bursting at her seams with the very nectar of life.  The relief she must feel when her udders are tugged, squeezed, emptied.  And the holy milkmaid and her posse of innocent, ripe dreamers, too benefit as they imbibe in the sweet, luscious, creamy dream juice.

But that’s not the perfect metaphore… because in the moment that Maha gave the blessing of divine seeing, he claimed his own divinity.  Get it?!  This is the secret of prosperity consciousness.  Prosperity is not you or me having something that others don’t… It’s not having MORE than someone else.  It is the vigilant stance in the truth that there is enough for everyone, just by virtue of WHAT WE ARE.  It is such a radical shift for me to practice thinking like this.  But I have groomed my consciouness adequately, and I am ready to stretch myself into this revelatory, awake mental posture.

Jealousy is such a phenomenal entry point for me.  I have had such a long standing habit of feeling threatened when I recognize a woman having what she wants, feeling fulfilled, because I have been carrying around a covert sentence that I do not deserve that and am incapable of creating and allowing that in my life, and that if she has it, there is less for me. Jealousy= She has something that I want, but I can’t have, because I am not really made of Love Its Self, I am just a cheap, Walmart imposter.  (Universe, you know I am only poking fun, don’t you dare take me literally!)  Lately, when a woman tells me that she is feeling very fulfilled in her life, I widen myself so that I feel her success, her light, her joy as my own, as OURS.  I tell myself she IS me.  If she tells me that she had amazing sex, instead of feeling sorry for myself because I haven’t had amazing sex in like three days, I let myself feel what it feels like to be fucked really well!  A far superior experience.  If I see a woman flourishing in her work life, making lots of money, opening her heart and imbibing in the deliciousness serving others as she was born to do, I let myself feel the very high, holy blessing of that experience.  In witnessing that, in celebrating her fulfillment, it is also mine!

This takes practice.  But it’s not nearly as difficult a practice as say, opening my heart to Mykael in the moments when I am seized by my dream of pain, my compulsion to PUNISH… I am ready to claim true prosperity for the team!!!!  Not the kind I have to fight for, sweat for, grind my teeth in my sleep for… No, the kind I melt into, like stepping into a hot bath.  Like in Anusara yoga, when a teacher says to let your skin soften and drape on the fullness of your inner light.  It’s a radically different feeling than clenching every muscle and fighting for my right to be here now.

Think about it, life is constantly hurling blessings at you.  Every ray of sunlight that extends its self to your heavenly body… every flirtatious smile sprinkled from a fat baby’s lips… the inadvertent brushing of shoulders with a stranger… the duet modestly spun between shoe and sidewalk.

May you recognize and bathe in even a fraction of the blessings throwing themselves at your feet, begging to be received today!  And too, may you be the peaceful hurler of blessings into the sea that we are all semi-forgetfully flailing in!

PS~ Sparrows splashing in the murky gutter puddle!!!