Awakened In Graceland

Twenty thirteen was the year of tears, soul angst and self-inflicted torture. Gosh, on paper, it sounds awful… but on the field it was actually pretty sweet. God bless the nightmare, that has thrust me into an elevated state of wakeful determination and clarity. Come on, let’s not get haughty. This is planet earth… and we learn through contrast. Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT condoning suffering. I’m condoning growth, expansion and learning. Which does NOT necessarily equate to tears, soul angst and self-inflicted torture. In fact, if I keep that up, I just might actually instigate the apocalypse.

Twenty fourteen has been whispering, with spring-sweet breath, in my ear for a while now. But as she waxes, her message comes into more lucid focus. In fact, it is focus she speaks of. Twenty thirteen was a violent and beautiful year in the rock tumbler. And now we are polished, and it is time to step forth and offer our baby-smooth shine. I feel clarity, focus and service dawning in me.

You heard me~ I’m done suffering about Ed. I have work to do! God YES, I want him to come along and love at my side. But that’s HIS choice. It’s between him and God. I’ll be over here sharing my light with the world. Find me when you’re free. Jeesh, that sounds so harsh. That’s the severe version. A caricature of the truth. What really happened, is that one day, recently, I woke up, half drowned in a pool of my own tears and pain, and I said to myself FUCK THIS. This sucks. I’m ready to do something else with my time and energy besides suffer over an unsatisfying Relationship with a married dude. So I told him that I either needed him to commit to coming to me in a year’s time (or less), or it was time to let go.

Does a year seem long to you? Well, trust me, I have work of my own to do… it would not be another flaccid year of waiting and aching. Nope. I’m committed to growing myself as a teacher and a spiritual leader! What you want to learn, TEACH… There is so much I want to learn. Like how to totally let go and let God. How to offer myself as a channel of the Light, and trust what comes through. A Course in Miracles teaches that God will tell us in every moment, where to GO, what to DO, what to SAY and to whom. It’s just a matter of LISTENING. And TRUSTING. I also want to learn to see everyone in the light. And I mean everyone. I want to master forgiveness. I want to live in perfect faith in the power of love, and the goodness of my Self. I want to learn that giving IS receiving, in the coin of Heaven. I want to learn that the more I pour myself out in joyous Self-offering, the more I will know true wealth, and be provided for. I want to learn to stand in unwavering recognition (and reflection) of the infinite glory of every single human being. I want to learn to choose joy and celebrate the blessing of every single day. I want to trust that when I shine, I will inspire others to come out of hiding and burst forth into the blazing grace of their unique soul song…

So you see I really DO have work to do! Ed was unwilling to commit to being free in a year. But I still have faith. He is so good. And when he puts his mind to something, he is a tank. (I really could write a whole entire blog about what is so f-ing AWESOME about him, that I would keep standing by him in the face of such “distasteful” circumstances…) He DID affirm that he is committed to growth and expansion this year. He’s gonna do the landmark forum, AND the Mankind Project!! (Right Baby?!?!) And here’s the thing~ Einstein was *really* on to something when he said, “You can’t solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.” So Ed’s gonna keep raising his consciousness. I have been his primary teacher for the past year and ten months. Explicitly. He enrolled as the first and only student at “The Academy of Higher Loving”, of which I am the “Heart Mistress” (as opposed to Head Mistress). This is a TRUE STORY. And one that needs to be told. And since only two people in the entire world KNOW the story so far… At least ONE of us is *obligated* to tell it. It has the magic of a fairy tale, the tragedy of the ancient Greece, the masterful craft and wit of Shakespeare, the scandal of Hollywood… And the Love (and sex) of Heaven. (I debated as to whether to pair sex with scandal in hollywood, or with Love in Heaven. It really could have gone either way. But I opted for Heaven, because I want to clear sex’s name. Spending so much time in a spiritual community where the “lower chakras” get such a bad rap, not to mention living in a world where sex is stripped down to its cheapest elements and then sold at a high price, it is up to me to preserve sex’s sanctity and its esteemed place amongst the angels.)

So Ed and I are going to let go. Let go of what has been. Let go of what might be. And we will each step fully into LIVING OUR HIGHEST. And GOD YES, I pray that the divine law of the Highest First, will bring us back together. From a place of total integrity and freedom… But if God has a better plan for us, I’m WILLING. Because God always only wants my perfect happiness and peace. And I want that too! And God, having an omniscient, omnipresent eye, can see a much more comprehensive picture of reality than I can, as this little drop of Ocean called Athena Grace.

Meanwhile, I’m LOVING leading sadhanas here at Ananda!!! I just get to LOVE as big as I love. Or as God loves through me, really. I get to share everything that I have been gathering for years, if not lifetimes. I get to play! I get to imagine and create. I get to shine. I get to remind others of their infinite AWESOMENESS… and where to find it… (Inside.) I am still gearing up to go to Ananda Laurelwood (Another Ananda Community outside of Portland, Oregon) for the months of February and March. Blessed BE, I will continue to lead sadhanas there, as well as serve in the kitchen and take spiritual art classes with Dana Anderson.

I used to think I needed to see the ENTIRE route before I embarked on the journey. But all that did was make me perplexed, terrified and paralyzed. So I’ve traded that strategy for the one where I simply take the next step as it is revealed to me, by my own divinely attuned heart, and GIVE MY BEST; do it with joy and care and quality. Trust me, it works out much better this way.

So here’s to a ROCKIN YEAR of unadulterated service and soul shine!!!!!

Athena Grace LMNOP

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