Best Friend Material

I seriously wonder how many people are sitting on their flower laden rooftops, sporting a soft, cottony sundress, free of buzz-kill-encomberment of of panties, sipping a cold, feisty beer and pouring over their Course In Miracles lesson for the day.  I’m guessing very few.  Strange indeed, because coming from one who IS, I must say, it all feels so right.  I typed that and then I cracked up out loud, and jovial little drizzles of spit misted my smiling lips.  I love that I have learned to be such a rad friend to myself.  I think this sacred two years without an “official” boyfriend has been profoundly transformative.  To inhabit my aloneness with such joy and warmth and gratitude.  Not to toot my own horn (toot toot!), but I sure am fantastic best friend material!  I’m laughing again!  I LIVE to laugh!  And god did I earn it the hard way… I remember a phase in my mid twenties where I didn’t laugh for like a year or two!  Really.  But that’s something kind of brutal and delicious about my unfolding– I find that contrast has been a marvelous teacher.  Walking through the darkness makes the light so precious.  I swear on my Course in Miracles text that I felt the first thirty years of my life to be a dark night of the soul… Ugh.

 

Well, minus some really sweet moments in childhood.  Oh god, attempting to catalogue the past is very stupid and pointless.  But the POINT is that if I had’ve been born donning a shiny silver spoon as the red carpet of material and psycho-emotional ease poured out before my every step like a new-born river,  I would NOT be nearly as deep and rich and amazing as I am.  And god, who KNOWS what’s to come…. more struggles, more triumphs.  More hopes and dreams and failures and elations.  Shrug.  Sounds about par for the course.  Bring it ON, Lady D-is-for-Destiny…

 

I hung two hummingbird feeders on my roof and now as I sit here at this dusty, glass-top table in the shade, my skin worshipped by decadent breezes, I witness the steady flux of tiny winged wonders imbibing their nectarous mainstay.  Intermittent light chirps and the whirr of wild wings.  And I behold bobbling flowers, gently back-lit by climactic evening sun light.  I behold their quivery dance and it feels like friendliness.  Could be construed as understated… but only by people who watch copious amounts of T.V. and require a steady barrage of bitch-slaps to their nervous systems.  For someone who’s hella ZEN like me, though, (wink),  I am nearly crushed by the force of their sacred presence.

 

Here I am, figuratively on my knees because of the blessed ness that is smacking me like the waves I watched rising up and gracefully exploding upon the shore and the rocks at Tennessee Valley Beach this morning… I mean the thick, creamy warmth embracing my skin, alone is enough to make me feel richer than Bill Gates.   (He’s rich, right?  I don’t really follow the media, but I somehow have a notion that dude’s got BANK.)  So here I am existing inside this decadenter than thou slice of perfection… and musing on what is worth saying… I feel torn, because I feel like it’s simultaneously ALL worth saying, every frivolous drop of existence, micro to the macro… and none of it’s worth saying unless it is unabashedly unleaded Truth with a hella capital T.

 

Unleaded Truth = Love.  Love = so MASSIVE that it would be like one emaciated, beatnik caveman trying to devour an entire, particularly jumbo dinosaur by himself.  Multiplied by affinity.  And in the face of that, why am I compelled to tell you that now I’m eating perfectly crispy on the outside, soft and hot on the inside, baked sweet potato hunks dipped in intimidatingly spicy dijon mustard and wondering WHY I am compelled to dip them in so much mustard when it really just masks the nuanced, gentle divinity of the tuber itself.  I guess it’s cuz I need to FEEL something… You know,  like “those people”, who “require a steady barrage of bitch-slaps to their nervous systems”…

 

Oops, I’m busted!  Pointing the finger, while a good few stay sassily aimed at my own unwieldy dream of selfhood.  I might be BUSTED, but this blog is SAVED… because now I have a fresh cut of philosophical meat to slice and dice and entice your slobbery mind.  From what I’ve gathered of Jesus Christ, he was WAY more into assisting people in taking radical responsibility for their perception of the world “outside”, and becoming masters of the world Inside, than practicing frivolous martyrdom and eventually “dying for our sins”…

 

Wait a second here… WHY WOULD I BE TALKING ABOUT JESUS, WHEN I COULD BE TALKING ABOUT MY OWN AMAZING FRIENDS?  Well I guess cuz Jesus’s teachings are helping me realize that there really IS NO WORLD “OUT THERE”.  It’s all in here, and because of this weighty and accurate declaration, I can continuously refine my perception, so that I am undone and only rarefied love bares witness to this loony circus of sacred play.  And while my friends are hands down as bomb as J-ditty, they still act a bit confused in the face of this resplendent, hollow splay of multiplicity.  And if I was to be true to my assertion that there is, in truth, nothing outside myself, then it would really be ME who is the confused little angel in this dream of a meat suit.  And if that’s the case, then I still have more to let go of.  I am willing.

 

Yeah, THIS JUST IN– the kind of learning where you pick up ideas and carry them around like a backpack full of rocks is SO old paradigm.  Cutting edge learning is really the practice of laying aside beliefs, ideas, identities; being willing to be empty, so that the Light of Heaven can pour through, unimpeded.  I want to sit inside the sacred smolder of my sun kissed skin and suckle the all pervading Silence as a baby incessantly sips milk from mama’s generous breast.  It takes courage to relinquish the dried husks of our identity that we mistake for who we Are.  Friends, we are waaaaaaaaaaay more than a sorry spew of tangled, frozen images of  a past that may or may not have even happened in the first place.

 

Time for me to start my feathery, downward drift toward slumber, but in summary, #1– the present moment is a masterpiece, #2– it is possible to take responsibility for everything we perceive outside and transform it through a vigilant practice of forgiveness, #3– I live all the amazing friends I am blessed to share this life with, and #4– We humans are wellsprings of limitless goodness that no mere idea could ever hope to encompass or encapsulate.

 

Gnite.  Sweet Dreams… 😉

 

Live,

A

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Sumitra
    Oct 02, 2012 @ 08:19:50

    I never thought I’d see the day that my beloved Dawn Athena Grace, LMNOP would number her thoughts!

    Reply

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