Sloppy God-Drunk Tonight!

Nobody told me that surrender would lead to the harder stuff!  Jesus.  For the last couple of days, I’ve felt quite compelled to let go of agendas… and just see what the unfiltered, unrefined, unadulterated present moment has to offer.  It’s been pretty nifty.  But now in my candlelit bedroom, I just want to flop around and act like a stoned teenager.  You know, paint my nails (metaphorically, not literally…), flip through teen magazines, drool and dream about losing my virginity to the stars of Beverly Hills 90210 (you should have heard the way I laughed at THAT one.  Sheeezzz.  I’m really enjoying deepening my friendship with Athena Grace lately!!!  She’s a hoot!)… God… the grown-up version of unstructured bedroom time would probably be knitting and watching Divine Nectar, the female ejaculation movie… or flipping through spiritual books, taking gluttinous notes in my recycled spiral notebook and watching the candle light dance my walls to the end of love.  Or even…actually WRITE poetry… I mean like in a notebook made of paper with an inky stick writing device.  I think they call ‘em “pens”…

 

MORE!!!  Give me MORE!!!  This moment is NOT enough… I want to feel MORE fulfilled.  More BLISSFUL, more happy and peaceful and in LOVE.  Oh God!  Saying all that is making my heart cackle, squeal and screach.  A dam of relief has burst inside my chest because those sentiments have gone unspoken for too long.  I mean, honestly, those deep seated longings are the root of most of the bullshit in my consciousness.  As if there is anything truly BETTER than right f-ing NOW!  (What could I say instead of F-ing?  Right Sigmund Freudian NOW.  As if there’s anything truly better than this epic relic of angelic songstress conferencing on the all pervading tip of God’s tongue…)

 

Shoot.  Landing here on the page, it is apparent that droves of unicorns are thundering recklessly about my inner planes and trampling my rhyme, reason and ability to color inside the figurative lines.  This blog is turning out to be an irreverent scribble all over the inner walls.  And you know what???  It’s turning me ON!  The next thing you know, the screen of your computer is gonna split like the seat of too tight pants and I’m gonna burst through and do a vivacious, random dance for you as I fling prismatic vegetable confetti everywhere.

 

ONCE AND FOR ALL… What is the stinkin’ meaning of life?  Please!  Can we all just stop trying to be so damn “good” when we answer this question?  Honestly.  Let’s make the meaning of life TO BE FULLY, unapologetically OURSELVES tonight… Screw all this good Samaritan bull-og-na.  Just at least for tonight.  Let’s let our hair down, rip our shirts off, hurl darts and radically miss the board on PURPOSE and sing operatic versions of our favorite songs of all times!!!  Let’s dump bags of flaming Cheetos all over the ballroom floor and STOMP ON THEM, savoring the sound and sensation as they crush beneath our holy feet.  Let’s put on our finest pearls and then RIP them from each other’s necks and watch them scatter chaotic elegance about the roomy halls of Infinity!   I’m not kidding, people.  I think I am drunk.  The moral of the story?  Be careful what you name your church (says “Our Lady of God-Drunk Grace”)… Hahahahah… I am absolutely cracking myself UP tonight!  This would be too good to be true… if it wasn’t true right now.  But as far as I can tell, this 3D experience, involving breathing and laying on my belly on my foam pad of a bed listening to enigma as candle light flickers on the enlightened faces of my guru posse is about as real as it gets.  Not that I’m asserting its realness… No.  I’m just saying… this is about as real as I can fathom right now.

 

This morning when I was jogging Hanalei Bay, from a distance, I saw this dude taking pictures of himself.  What a narcissist, I thought… but I was tickled.  As I got closer, I saw that he was photographing himself in front of a beautiful peace sign made of vibrant orchid petals!  Though I hate to stop in the middle of a work-out (and let my heart rate drop), I HAD TO this time… For YOU.  Because I want to share my world with you.  Because it is so beautiful, so often… And you might think I’m making it all up if I don’t cough up some evidence once in a rainbow moon (someone told me today that the moon does sport a rainbow halo around here now and again!).  So this “stranger” of a man with God pouring from his smiling brown eyes, he and I photographed each other with this auspicious random, anonymous act of beauty.  It was such intimacy we shared.  And then we parted ways.  Maybe forever…  I have included the photo.

 

Now I’m gonna sign off and swan dive into my bubble gum, adolescent fantasies, dark worlds of uncharted soul secrets and the ever-arduous task of resisting the bliss of being.

 

Dear God… Please, oh PLEASE… Leap through the screen of every single reader… dive into their open eyes, make a huge, ecstatic splash in their heart, so that they feel the drunken joy of Love’s holy, eternal presence.  God!  I’m counting on you!  Please bless them all by igniting their passions and breathing infinite space into their wells of peace.  Thanks you bitchin’ All Pervader!  I love you!

 

Amen!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Naomi Colb
    Oct 29, 2010 @ 23:18:33

    Feeling joyous and grateful for the freedom we share:)

    Would love to see the picture!

    Reply

  2. Rosy Moon
    Oct 30, 2010 @ 09:17:44

    My latest favorite Sofia Diaz koan: Be generous with who you are in your deepest self, instead of craving to be opened to know yourself.
    Thanks for the prayer, I’ll let you know if G-d delivers… oooooh, yeah, she delivers ❤

    Reply

  3. dara
    Oct 30, 2010 @ 11:02:42

    Splish Splash!!!

    Reply

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