God Answered My Prayer!!!

Guess what everybody?!?!  God heard my prayer last night!  God really heard my prayer last night!!!  I guess God hears every prayer… but the one I spewed out last night was so drenched in feeling, which is way more powerful than some petty strands of half hearted, clunky words.  First of all, I love writing after all… and more importantly, I have been recognizing all the Love I feel for everyone as the sacred nectar of God’s Love.  (AND this is a total non sequitur, but I just successfully gave my cat her de-worming pill, which I have been terrified to do and hence put off for about six months now… But I finally mustered the courage.  I was cleaning out the refrigerator [for the second time in the year that I’ve lived here] and stumbled upon this almost full jar of mayonnaise.  The classical light bulb winked jubilantly above my head.  I marched into Mykael’s bedroom to see if Anjali dug on mayonnaise.  Yup.  So I said a prayer, dipped the pill in salty, white slime and crammed it into her mouth.  She wriggled and fought, but when the smoke cleared, the pill was missing in action!!!!  My heart ached for torturing her.  I mean it REALLY ached.  I apologized to her profusely.  She hid behind a chair and licked her dainty chops like there was no tomorrow.  Hasta la vista, you gross little wormy creatures.)

Now back to God’s Love.  It all started this morning.  No, it started last night.  I read Souldipper’s comment and an email she wrote me, right as I was falling asleep.  Folks, lemme tell you a little something about Souldipper~ this woman sure knows something of Love.  And I’m talking about the All Pervading strain… Every time I receive words from her, they are heavily marinated in some potent universal Love.  They sing inside me and broaden my divine inner vistas with the naturalness of breath.  I am always amazed!  I laid in bed after a rough day and felt as if God was cradling me.  Cha-ching!!!  Thank you Missus Dipper!

But then on the bittersweet side of the coin, I had a date with Eric (my beloved ex-fiancé) to go to my church (east bay church of religious science) this morning and he canceled and said he needed to meet later.  This devastated me.  I had been so excited to share one of the most nourishing facets of my existence with him.  When he broke the tainted news to me via text, my heart curdled and withered like a gross old bowl of jello that has been sitting in the fridge since the beginning of time.  My time has been so precious to me lately as I prepare to move house, see dear friends one last time, exercise, earn money… phew, I’m sweating just thinking about it.  So I felt disrespected by his frivolous postponement.  (So much so that I woke up at 3:45am and gave it about an hour of good, hard thought!)  In the morning as I sipped my yerba matte in bed, I decided to email Souldipper first… because I knew that would put me right where I belonged~ in my heart.  Then I would express my “yuckies” to Eric when I was feeling open, clear and centered.

I wrote to him and shared what was true for me, including that I expressed with the intention of releasing it and keeping our channel of communication and intimacy clear.  Then I leapt on my Black Beauty (my bike) and pedaled to church.  In meditation, I thought about Eric.  Yes, I KNOW I’m not supposed to think in meditation.  But sometimes this flawed goddess does… what can I say?  I felt afraid that expressing negative emotions would push him further away, when really I wanted more closeness.  But as I sat feeling the tangle of emotions in my heart, I realized they were really just Love!  I only felt hurt and disappointed because I loved him and wanted to share with him.  And I spoke my truth to him for the same reason.  As this awareness bloomed in me, so did my heart bloom.  I released the stories and focused on the pure sensations in my heart, choosing to recognize them as Love.

Then after meditation, I checked my email (on my Iphone)… I know that’s a tacky thing to do in church, but I did it and God doesn’t even care.  I am not a sinner.  I do not have to repent for this.  God actually cheered me on.  I saw an email from Eric and he told me that he had not realized that this church meant so much to me.  He also shared some vulnerable stuff that was in his heart.  My intention came true and I felt free again.  Plus, I had the epiphany about disappointment and resentment being nothing more than unexpressed Love.  That is huge.  I believe that any time we feel shadowy, “negative” emotions, that’s all they really are.

As the day ripened and spread open before me, my heart swirled with gratitude and love.  I realized that everyone I am blessed to Love is me Loving God.  It’s all the same.  Every expression of Love is borrowed from the same oceanic bank.  And this bank is Unlimited.  I can “fall” in Love with every single person, every single moment.  And today, I did.  Because God heard my prayer last night.  Today, everywhere I looked, I saw the ecstasy of Love illuminating my vision.  I sat under my favorite eucalyptus tree at the farmer’s market and ate delicious, nourishing lunch that I packed for myself.  The sun was out and the creek was running.  Children LOVE when the water flows!  They flock to it and become totally absorbed in joyful, playful presence.  Most parents let their kids have at it… except for the handful of moms and dads with poopy diapers who forbid their little ones from the primal indulgence for fear of “germs” or getting dirty.  I sure pity those kids.  But I sat alone under the tree eating the best food ever and bathing in the delight of children drawn to the flowing water like cherubs to the exploding center of Haven.  Then Eric arrived and we nibbled on time and space and the communion of two who will always be One at heart.

God, thank you for answering my prayer.  Thank you!!! Amen.

P.S.~ I just read this blog aloud to Mykael as I proof-read it.  He lamented, “I wasn’t in there.”  So I said, “P.S., I Love Mykael.”  Friends, I wish you were here to see his face… it lit up like a new born sun when I said that… which naturally tickled me and made my own heart blaze.  So…PS, I Love Mykael.  Yes, I do.  Once a Beloved, always a Beloved, if you ask Athena Grace LMNOP!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. souldipper
    Aug 29, 2010 @ 19:58:49

    With tears in my eyes, a big lump in my throat, and a feeling of warm rocks rolling around inside my chest, I managed to make it through your post.

    Do you understand, believe, know and trust how phenomenal it is to be able to give love to a soul as open, sincere and determined as you? Love is an endless circuitry of healing and it builds with each willing recipient.

    One of the joys of blogging – I don’t have to say goodbye to you or watch you walk away, Athena Grace.

    Mykael, I’m so glad you spoke up. I want to think I would have done the same! Glad you reminded me.

    Reply

  2. spirit2go
    Aug 30, 2010 @ 03:13:58

    Athena Grace,

    Don’t know if you follow Rachael at ‘Be Whole Now”,

    http://rachelsnyder.wordpress.com/2010/08/29/a-prayer-is-the-beat-of-a-heart-that-sings-through-the-rain/

    But I just commented on her post, what sycronicity. And your post is on Prayer, too. Awesome!
    Something definitely happening…

    Reply

  3. dan
    Aug 30, 2010 @ 08:40:38

    I hope we all can as you do, love with such openness and freedom. “Once beloved, always beloved”
    You embody beloved!!
    Dan

    Reply

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