Sleep-Blogging (First Cousin to Sleepwalking)

It’s late and the space inside me feels like reverently humming twilight sky: enchanting emptiness.  I wasn’t going to blog.  I approached the blank, glowing screen about a half an hour ago and lost my appetite.  I just couldn’t find anything in here that seemed worth sharing.  But Mykael coaxed me to at least step onto the page and announce that.  So… attention everyone~ (trumpet thunder and drum squeals) I don’t have it in me to blog tonight!  (It’s a song!)  I… don’t… have… IT… IN…meeeee… to blog… Toooo niiiight.  (And a dance!)  I bled heavily today… and my mind has flown away… I just wanna go pa-lay with the Sandman.  It’s so quiet in Athena GraceLand.  (A cabaret dance with feathers, flower petals, cobra snakes and ridiculously high heels!)

God, now that I’ve stepped onto the page, I feel so seduced by this sacred practice of uncorking and pouring myself into the virtual chalice that seems to exist outside you… but does it REALLY?  Or are these words but a dazzling dream scape smokey, mirrorish trick?  Perhaps everything that is falling out of me is *really* falling out of Your very vast and vivid imagination… Honestly friends, the bottom of this is whole reality construct might actually be the ceiling, or better yet the sky!  Don’t be so satiated by quick answers spewed by archaic experts. (Unless of course they have a respectable LMNOP after their sacred name.)

And while I’m on the subject, I just want to report that I woke up feeling so heavy with despair.  Like a baby waking up with a soaked diaper.  My figurative diaper was brimming with heartache and loneliness.  I didn’t know how I would survive this day.  So I reread an email that Souldipper wrote me the previous day, because it was chalk-full of soul fortifying words.  That jumpstarted a blessed mental shift.  Then in my meditation I asked my spirit guides to help me release my anxiety around managing the plethora of logistics that need to be handled sooner or later.  I asked them too to help me release the chill of loneliness reverberating through my cavernous inner reaches.  Then I asked them to help me feel God’s potent, nourishing, All Pervading Love.

God bless their non-physical hearts, they hooked a sistah UP!

Then after breakfast, I had the inclination to walk to Whole Foods and get Mykael some coconut milk so that it would be here for him when he arose.  (He seemed really bummed not to have any.  It would have been easy for me to take the path of criticism and think to myself, “Well if you really wanted it, you should have paid attention to the fact that you ran out and got yourself some more before now.”)  I used to do go out of my way for him all the time, with enthusiasm and passion.  But then I got sick of it.  Somehow caring for him turned from liberated, joyful choice to begrudging, self-imposed obligation.

Oh, I’m too tired to write.  But I just want you to know that I decided to stand in the space of my offering to him being an offering to myself.  Whole and free and purified by Love.  I let his happiness and fulfillment be my happiness and fulfillment.  I set about my task joyfully.  And because I set out in that spirit, naturally, I begot exponentially more joy and abundance.  This simple act of service was my life raft this morning.  And the day just kept climbing up Heaven’s lofty ladder.  I bled heavily.  I moved slow.  I didn’t get much done.  But I was happy.  And for that I give copious thanks!!!

Amen.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. souldipper
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 22:28:03

    “…and it is in giving that we will find a new freedom and a new happiness.” Who said that? Please Spirit Guides, let the author be blessed. And bless all us other authors. We need to know that we can stand knee deep in silence and someone will still be listening.

    I love you, Athena Grace. But you must be sick of me saying it. 🙂

    Reply

  2. Monica
    Aug 27, 2010 @ 01:16:57

    i’m thoroughly enjoying your crazy ramblings, lol

    Reply

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