The Difference Between Me and Peter Pan

Believe it or not I’ve been compared to Peter Pan every once in a silver-pink moon.  I can see it.  I mean I probably won’t be growing up any time soon.  And maybe Kauai is just a code name for “Never Never Land”… I mean come ON, they’re both magical islands.  Think of Puff the Magic Dragon, for God’s revelatory sake… Would it surprise you if Puff and Peter were really two peas in a pod?  Heck throw Michael Jackson into that sweet, crunchy husk… I mean Neverland Ranch, Never Never Land… Same difference, right?

But I digress.  The main difference between me and Mister Pan is that he was able to ditch his shadow for a while… while this one Miss Grace LMNOP on the other hand… HER shadow is definitely stuck fast to the souls of her feet and it ain’t goin’ nowhere.  I just don’t want to pull the chinchilla fur over your gullible little googly eyes.  Leave that to the politicians and the media.  Nope, here in Athena Grace Land, we are way more interested in the full, glorious and oft unflattering truth of what it is to be an unwieldy, all too human manifestation of All Pervading Best Thing You’ve EVER Tasted.

Like I said yesterday, I can talk a great game about living for Love and all that other fluffy angel-down (down as in soft feathers, just to clarify) gospel.  And lately the glistening wisdom has been pouring out of me as if from a gaping open wound slashed in Grace’s very flesh… But… then come those moments when I meet myself in mirrors that glare back at me with utterly demonic faces.  There is no better mirror than a stubborn Taurus boyfriend to keep me humble and remember that I still have much cleaning up to do in this cracked temple I call Home.

Yesterday Mykael was going to pick me up from the farmer’s market and take me with him to our friends’ house where he was helping make a mosaic.  Our agreed upon pick up time was fast approaching when suddenly I was commissioned for two more poems.  And neither customer was an expendable plastic imitation.  Both men were so sincere and vulnerable and obviously sent by Lady Almighty.

My first customer, Darrell was grappling with an issue at work he said.  He was hesitant to share it because he said it was “yucky”.  I told him that the whole POINT of poetry was an alchemical transformation that spins invaluable esoteric gold and diamonds out of generic brand yuckiness.  He seemed to taste the tart, mouthwatering glints of light spritzed by this stance, so he proceeded to share with me his conundrum.  He said that he had applied for a promotion at work and was more than qualified, as had a few others… but in the end, the results had been politically rigged in favor of someone less qualified and this was NOT okay with him.  Like our timeless hero Arjuna, in the Hindu Epic Tale of the Bhagavad Gita, his dharma had called him to battle for what he knew in his heart to be right.  He refused to let this unjust practice continue in his workplace.  He was up against the part of himself that just wants to be liked.  But inside, he knew it was time to take a stand for something greater~ Integrity.  Self Respect.  Raise your hand if you’ve ever faced that conundrum.  Takes guts to remain steadfast to Truth and integrity over social standing and bleary eyed, white sheep acceptance.  Guts. (That word still gets me every time!)

I thought I could whiz through his poem like any respectable daughter sprung from the very head of the King of the Gods, Zeus… but alas, the space time continuum begged to differ.

I read him his poem and could feel him slurping it right up with his hungry, genuine heart.  Oh shit, I was already late.  Mykael was waiting in the parking lot.  I asked this next man if I could mail him his poem since I had to dash.  He confessed he was without a mailing address, as he was in major upheaval and traveling like a free-wheeling prophet as of late.  So I called Mykael and asked for ten more minutes.  He sounded upset but he said yes.  I asked if he was sure, because he was free to say yes or no… and he replied that at this point it didn’t matter.  COOL!  So I got to typing.  And still no lightening miracles.  God was a slow partner in the benign crime of poetry.  But it was a whistling beauty in the end, if I do say so my LMNOP-ish self!

When I got to the car, I realized I was forty minutes late and Mykael was a subterranean inferno.  The moment I stepped into the car, I knew I was engulfed in epic flames of danger.  Naturally, the first thing I did was apologize, but it seemed hollow next to the mountain of negative charge bleeding from ever pore in Mykael’s very being.  I sat in the passenger seat, silently feeling myself drown in feelings that would surely make a flower wilt on the spot.  I immediately started coaching myself on how to navigate this moment gracefully.  But I was all flounder at this point.  Before long, he started in… unloading his tangle of pain, his dam of suffering.  Of course this put me on the defense… but I knew defending would not solve anything.  I wished I had NOT made the choice to accompany him.  I fantasized about getting out of the car, right in traffic and taking refuge to nurse my suddenly gaping wounds.  But my inner coach told me that this was a potent moment to practice what I’d been preaching.  Can I stay in Love NOW???  Can I truly rest into the belief that there ARE no accidents and this too was a perfect moment gifted to me by Her Royal Auspiciousness?  I knew it was true.  I knew that this moment was a gift and a challenge and an opportunity to keep my heart open.

Why then did I start screaming at Mykael?  Because he had been pouring his wrath on me thick for quite a while and then he invited me to speak and I began to tell him that the two poems I wrote were crucial and divinely ordained and he cut me off because he had no room to entertain this airy fairy new age bull-loney at this point.  But I wanted to have a voice.  He had had his.  And frankly I couldn’t take anymore of his muted rage.  SO I SCREAMED… I can’t remember what.  But as I was breathing all of my own delinquent fire, I realized, oh shit, this IS not how I meant to play out this scene.  I think I just lost the Heart Olympics.  In fact, I must have been straight up disqualified.  Oh Crumbs, as they say in my country.

I brought myself back in record time though… And it wasn’t too long before I was cool enough to confess to Mykael that I would have felt the same, had I been in his rock star moccasins.  But by this time, my heart was saturated with sorrow.  We both just sucked up into our respective selves and were mostly quiet.  Little by little, the energy dissipated until all was well in Always Always Land.  (Divine counterpart to Never Never)

But imagine how bloody pleased I was to receive Darrell’s blindingly blessed comment upon waking this morning.  This is what it said:

“I wanted to find you *today*, Athena, and thank you.

Thank you for taking the time to hear my “yucky” thoughts and transform them into poetry/prayer. I loved watching the courage with which you approached our conversation…and the blank page.

I loved that you read your creation to me so that it was more than art. It was a personal gift, and that is how I received it. You could not have known how much your words encompassed truth that never left my lips.

A week ago, I asked myself to write down the most minute form of my own quest that I could express. It was simply: “to be free”. How enchanted I was when you ended your poem–my poem–with the words:

“…and be free
Amen.”

If I wasn’t so big and tough (in front of my son at least), I might have choked up a little. Thank you for inspiring me, Athena.

As my son and I left, he said to me: “She might be one of those people…that come when you need them and you never see them again. Sometimes God sends them like that…”

He never talks that way…and he couldn’t have known I was thinking the same thing. Even if he’s right, there will always be a connection of gratitude, so we can never truly be strangers again.”

Amazing, right?  Amazinger than Grace.  Amazinger than a DMT trip.  Amazinger than all the atoms in my body dancing so harmoniously that it is causing me to bleed this load of thoughtful, heart-stained words.

Thank you, GOD!!!  Amen.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. souldipper
    Aug 02, 2010 @ 00:51:59

    You magnificent Energizer! Isn’t THAT what it’s ALL about?! Bravo. The gift you have been given is even sweeter that Divine Nectar because you were just trying to give it away!

    Makes my breath recharge! It is Amazing Grace.

    Reply

  2. rachel
    Aug 02, 2010 @ 09:49:32

    Two heartful artful posts in one day. Brava! The August 1 shift seemed more epic than all the “other” epic shifts in my 4,723 lifetimes. (Yes, this is hyperbole.) And you moved through the multidimensional merge with, er, um, Grace in The Moment. That’s all there is to do – and you done it good. (Yes, this is improper English, properly used.)

    Reply

  3. Vivi Velvet
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 16:01:59

    Laughing and loving this blog I am so fortunate to be introduced to!

    Reply

  4. Caitlin
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 23:33:03

    Thank you for bringing a smile to my face and tears to my eyes in the space of a few minutes.

    Reply

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