Do You Believe Yet?

One of the best compliments I have ever received was years ago when a friend told me that being with me was an experience of what he called, “sensatia”…(which of course I just looked up on dictionary dot com, to no avail…but just groove with it anyway, okay?)  According to him, sensatia is the experience of a “cross pollination”, a merging of the senses.  For example a sonic experience turning to a vibrational dance of colors or the sound of the rain, pounding the tin roof, miraculously transforming inside you, to the tangible taste of watermelon.  Strange.  But I can totally get that about me.  I have a tendency to be kind of a psychedelically twisty chick.  I thought of it this morning because it is still not quite light outside and the bird songs are so thick and feverish that inside I am having an experience of being in a rain storm.  Their multiplistic voices are reminiscent of looking into a hall of mirrors.  They are falling in me like soft though forcefully driving rain.

I was hoping that first paragraph would unfold into a previously hidden river valley full of lush, inspired thoughts… but it didn’t, so I will dive right into a poem.  One wild minded, ripe-hearted citizen of the universe indulged my invitation for poem topics yesterday… so here you go Liz (aka “nana nana poo poo”):

Red hot cinnamon skin

I know I must glow

In the dark and in the light

I am ignited like

A soulfully smoldering coal.

A single goopy splooge

Of mystery cream

Slathered lovingly into my

tender thighs

and I

wouldn’t be screaming this

tortured song wafting

in infrared tongues.

But now I am among

The sun stung wonders,

Body throbbing like

Neon lights

But I will not fight this heat.

I will make my bed of ice

And slide between

Frozen sheets, sleep

Please wake me when I’m done

Peeling.

Hmmm, I must confess that I allowed myself more time than I’d’ve liked to write that.  The idea is to let it pour out like a renegade stream of [grade B] maple syrup onto steaming griddle cakes.  But I wanted to do it so perfect.  It was kind of a constipated one… You should have seen my face as I squeezed it out.  Glad you didn’t.  Practice.  Come on people.  Toss me another topic…PLEASE.

Actually tonight for “date night” instead of going and stuffing our faces with artisan pizza and intoxicating burgundy elixirs, Mykael and I are going to go to Lake Merit.  He will bring his “podium” and carve his latest stony masterpiece and I will bring my typewriter and serve as the poetic muse to the vast cross section of humanity, magnetically drawn to the spacious, man made lake plunked smack dab in the heart of magnificent Oakland.  We will share our passions with the masses.  You see, it took me getting so repulsed by the shriveled Mykael, the fearful me and the suffocating relationship that I had been holding hostage in an airtight match box… This blue lipped, oxygenless entity we once upon a time named, “Mythena”.  For the last week or so, I have removed myself completely from the relationship… asking virtually NOTHING of it.  Instead focusing on ME.  On what I want, who I am, what my contribution to the world is… I have been knocking persistently at the door of my very own heart, begging God to open me from the inside and reveal the light of who I truly am.

And I’ll tell you what!?!?!  Something HAS released in me.  I feel whispers of the truth.  For the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I have tasted a mouthwatering drop of the true nature of Love unbounded.  It’s hard to wrap in language.  In anusara yoga, the place we always start, and return to often is “set the foundation and open to Grace”.   If one lives in the conceptual realm of this principal it can seem to be but fluffy jargon in some moments.  But as we discussed in a recent blog entry, Grace is the artist formerly known as the Infinite Oceanic Love of the All Pervading BFF.  (“Best Friend Forever”)

Something has come over me.  I suppose it was a blessed shedding.  Souldipping Amy’s sudden auspicious presence in my world (souldipper.wordpress.com) and the reading she gave me via my spirit guides recently was a very crucial participant in this opening.  Also, that whole entire sea of tears I shed over the past few weeks has truly washed away ancient internal rubble.  I sense I was releasing so much old stuff.  You know, wounding, false beliefs…  Karmic weight that my soul can’t afford to carry anymore if I am to fulfill my purpose here on the earth this time around.  (Not that I’ve “made it” and I’m done.  Sheesh, far from it, my friends.  Our ship has set sail for the end of time and human suffering!)  There is now a new sense of space and quiet, softly wafting in perfumed tunes of Love, from this poetic heart.  It is the beginning of the end of our coma of forgetfulness.  Witnessing and participating the changes inside me, I am now an unabashed believer in the impending shift in consciousness.  Something AMAZING is on its way.  Be patient.  Breathe.  Trust.  Allow. Lean into the Silence.  I promise you, you will NOT be disappointed.

AMEN.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. spirit2go
    Jun 24, 2010 @ 14:11:17

    As always, I am lifted up by your prose and profound grasp on spiritual things.

    thanks :~)

    Reply

  2. souldipper
    Jun 25, 2010 @ 02:45:59

    Athena Grace, you really have been Working. Wow, what a soul! And you have been listening to it! Your Guides must be glowing ultraviolet with joy. We may not be graduands, but recognizing a higher frequency of existence is our message from Grace that we are where we are supposed to be AND loved just for being who we are!

    Thank you for your insights and observations. You are an asset to humanity.

    Love from a bursting heart, Amy

    Reply

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