When Destiny Beckons

Once and for all… DOES it, or DOESN’T it take a village to raise a child?  This little girl, (she must be a year old…) keeps folding herself into her mother’s breast, hiding her face from me… and then peeking out with these WIDE, deep, crystalline eyes.  Her lips are pinker than wild watermelons, and wetter too.  She has so many faces.  From the utmost joyous, to a very sobering brand of seriousness, to sheer curiosity.   If it does indeed take a village to raise and tend the seeds of our future, than we should all quit our day jobs and GET TO IT.  Because the future is storming towards now like a pissed off rhinoceros.

At least that’s how it feels to me today.  Most people I talk to are balancing on their tippy toes on the precipice of great change.  Should I be surprised by this???  I mean look at our very own mother, Missus Planet Earth~ she is going hog wild right now, with all of her unabashed self expression.  Volcanoes, earthquakes, hurricanes.  The thought program that I was born into was that we are separate from the earth and from one another… but the more I live, the more I know that is bull crap.  Our very own bodies are made of this earth and as she moves, grows, changes, expresses, so do we.

Raise your hand if you have felt like your feelings have been blaring through you recently as though they’re being shouted through a megaphone.  It’s not just “me”, is it?  I have cried more tears in this past year, than total in my whole life up till then.  Is this woman for real, you wonder?… Well, I haven’t exactly been collecting my tears in a jar or a swimming pool, so it’s hard to tell for sure, but it certainly seems that way.  Not to mention other “unsavory” though essential emotions such as anger… Melissa wrote a good post on her blog addressing her own experience of anger.  Check it out= Mellifluence= it’s on my blog roll…I agree with her stance, so it will save me having to bang out similar words to the ones she expressed but a few days ago.  The point is I know I am not alone in this.  Our worlds are all being rocked.

What does it mean?  Who knows.  But I have been watching as my egoic, fabricated sense of security and normalcy erodes into the metaphorical sea.  I have zero interest in doing sensual massage anymore and that was my ticket to paying my exorbitant rent.  Mykael might be making some progress on his path toward financial wealth, but the man seems to be jogging through thick mud.  And guess what?  Right now, jogging through the mud ain’t payin’ the bills.  (I’m trying to remain neutral to this, since I in no way portend to know even a fraction as much as our dear mistress, Destiny)

Now for a commercial break.  It’s Friday morning.  Turns out that on Fridays here at Pizziaolo they serve chocolate frosted doughnuts with RAINBOW SPRINKLES on top!  I wouldn’t eat one if you paid me, but I delight in gazing fondly upon them.  Talk about aesthetically pleasing.  They make my heart sing.  They are so home made looking… all erratic and diverse in size and shape.  There is a couple seated at the dark, wooden bar who are each reading a section of the newspaper, and the man has his arm around his lady as they disappear into their own news strewn slab of universe.  Appreciating the simplicity of a moment is my sanity in times when conceptually it seems that my life is falling apart.

Now back to our previously programmed production.  Brad invited me to visit his garden island, Kauai.  At first, I was like, NO WAY… how can I possibly let go of all that I have here in Oakland?  But upon deeper contemplation, I realize that Oakland is actually letting go of its hold on ME.  You don’t believe me?  Believe it. Rivers run dry from time to time.  And what do you do but wander toward the distant roaring sound, in search of water.  Throughout my life, I have had this recurring vision and desire to just lay rest the struggle to survive with the best of us, and wander on an extensive, holy pilgrimage.  There are copious rumors blowing about the invisible realms of our consciousness which attest to this idea that we are always taken care of, loved, guided by invisible hands.  But most of us don’t live like that, do we?  And every time something auspicious happens, testifying to that cosmic proclamation, we act all shocked and dumbstruck.  Well I dream of just leaving my worldly belongings and dancing naked in the light.  Is Life kind?  Are we truly buoyant bubbles in a sea of sublime goodness?  I wonder…

I can find plenty of evidence that would testify yes to that question.  A mere two seconds ago, a woman asked to share my immense table with me.  “Absolutely!” I exclaimed.  And then she offered me some fresh baked scone.  I refused… but I’m just saying that kind people aching to share are everywhere in my world.

Destiny.  What of this hallowed concept that sometimes sweeps through our lives gentle and sensual as a tropical breeze, moving us along the trajectory of our path like a gliding hawk, and other times pulls us apart, rips the stuffing out of us, in the name of self tenderization?  Destiny~ the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course of events.  (Thank you dictionary dot com!)  AM I IN CONTROL?  … Are YOU in control?  I don’t think so.  It’s sure comforting to believe it though, isn’t it?  But honestly, comfort, shmumfort.  Does comfort even dare stand up to Destiny?  Not that Destiny is intrinsically uncomfortable… but I see a new brand of comfort available.  The comfort of resting in the truth that is the light.  Not that chewed up, used up, played out comfort that comes with the illusion provided by zealously playing ones part in the exhausting race among fellow rats.  It ain’t the year of the rat… it’s the year of the TIGER, baby!  And you won’t never see a tiger racing.  They only hunt, play with fire, have sex and lay around in languid delight.

Athena, what are you driving at?  I don’t know.  All I know, is that my fabricated life of would-be normalcy is coming undone (again) and though I feel a low grumble of fear, reminiscent to a tiger’s growl humming from the heavy, dark, thick of the jungle, mostly, I feel relieved and curious.  Why?  Because I am at a place on my spiritual journey where I can’t even pretend that the stuff of this world is the be-all, end-all for me.  True happiness shall NEVER be found in the strivings and achievements of this world.  I only long for the mother of all truth, the Source of all Light, the root of all peace and joy.  And I will not give up until I find it.  (Round about as my path may wind)

So when life asks me to let go, DARE I let go?  Is there ANYTHING worth holding on to?

Stay tuned…

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. contoveros
    May 14, 2010 @ 19:06:10

    I am coming to the belief that the Earth is indeed “pissed,” and is on track to explode even more as those of us aware of this movement find ourselves being elevated to a higher level of consciousness.

    More compassion is needed to get us through the upheavals ahead. But, the small percentage of spiritual followers may just end up saving the rest of humanity.

    Crazy! Put me away in the looney bin. Contoveros’ smokin’ some bad shit again. Don’t believe a word he says.

    Or, maybe we should listen to what the Earth is saying. I’m going to a “stone listening circle” tonight. I’ll try to get some answers.

    michael j

    Reply

    • Athena Grace
      May 17, 2010 @ 20:25:43

      Thank you Michael J, for your RICH commentary! I’m curious what the stones said to you… Care to share?
      Love will save humanity. I believe…

      Reply

  2. dan
    May 17, 2010 @ 17:08:54

    Athena, you are the best writer EVER! We both know it and knew it. So is this all there is ? Well, yes. This is it my lovely friend. It is just you and then the muse or the light or God. I miss our conversations and I will be in touch in a while. My life is a mess and I do not want you to interpet my energy from the messed up places where I am entrenched. So know that your words are a salve for my soul and I love reading your blog daily. We will be together soon.
    Dan

    Reply

    • Athena Grace
      May 17, 2010 @ 20:24:00

      Thank you Dan. When you first disappeared, I thought, fuck him, forget it. But then I sobered up and realized that I accept you no matter what you choose. I don’t for the life of me understand why you would walk away from loving support at the time in your life when you need it most… But maybe someday I will… or not. In the mean time, just know that I love you still. I will be here when you get back.

      Reply

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